Amazing, this journey, emotional, long and at times very slow. I thought we had a good day yesterday and we did. Sof is mostly on the couch, still weak, but eating more and drinking more. Her brain is foggy but still works well. She cant read (too much focus), so I read her letters to her. We played cards til midnight. I walked her to her room, tucked her in, turned out the light and went upstairs. Twenty minutes later, she came slowly back up the stairs, heart broken, crying, and melted in my arms. And then she talked. Talked about what is was like to have cancer, the loneliness and melancholy. Missing the ordinary.... waking up to an early alarm, seeing her teachers, having her hair, being a part of her friends lives instead just them being a part of hers. No one asking her how she is feeling even though thats the appropriate thing to ask.
She spent hours yesterday looking at prom dresses. Its not til May. But May is when she might be over this so she is thinking to that day. She needs things to look forward to and for the first time expressed dread in going back to the hospital again. This is when the words of the doc came back with force, "this will be the marathon of a lifetime, it will be long and hard, long and hard."
I took her back down to her bed, got in with her, rubbed her back, and fell asleep. Bonnie
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Sofie is so lucky to have you as her mother; you lift her up when she is down, you give her normality at the complicated time and this trial, you are her rock, and you are just plain old wonderful Bonnie.
ReplyDeleteI hope that the strength you give us all through sharing your exerience and journey comes back to you a hundred fold to carry you.
ReplyDeleteShe needs to think about that end goal. Mine was Prom, if I could make it to Prom then I could make it to the next thing I wanted to go to! Sof, you're doing such a fantastic job! It's ok to let it out, it cant be held in forever! hope all is well
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